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As many of you know, “fulfillment issues” have been plagueing acai berry diet offers lately which have caused massive acai berry shortages in many south american countries. This is causing thousands of south american farmers to chop down their expensive cocaine plants and plant acai berry trees to fuel the huge demand brought on by stupid, insecure americans and canadians who believe eating some kind of blueberry suppliment will help them lose weight.
As you can see in the before/after pictures below, the same people harvesting cocaine are now growing Acai.
Before:
After:
Just look how much more gangsta they are standing behind their fresh bushels of acai berry. As affiliate marketers you can all keep your heads high and rest easy knowing that you’re doing your part in the war on drugs.
Keep it real.
Published by nickycakes //
How many times have you thought to yourself, “Self, I really wish I could rickroll all those other affiliates who click my ads and spy on my landing pages.” Thats exactly what Nickycakes was thinking yesterday when he wrote Anti-Aff, the latest in affiliate vs. affiliate rickroll technology.
So how does it work? Well, first you install the software on your server, or just use nickycakes’ hosted version. Then you put the tracking pixel in your forum signature on wickedfire, digital point, your affiliate related blog, pretty much any place that you know other affiliates will be viewing. The software will then build a list of everyone who loaded said pixel for future reference.
Now…on your landing page, you put a piece of javascript that goes to the database, sees if that person has viewed your tracking pixel at some point in time, meaning they are likely an affiliate and not a dumb girl who wants to lose weight by drinking green tea, and if so, redirects them to a rickroll.
If you would like to use Nickycakes’ hosted version that already has over 1000 recorded rickroll targets, feel free to put this code on your landing page (depending on your browser you may have to fix the quotes):
<script type=”text/javascript” src=”http://aff.dedicakes.com/hi.php”></script>
Before you load your landing page, make sure you whitelist yourself at the following url:
http://aff.dedicakes.com/whitelist.php
Pretty simple.
If you don’t trust nickycakes’ hosted version, feel free to download the code and install it on your own server:
antiaff
Update: Tobsn was nice enough to completely re-code and optimize this thing making it even more leet. Please download it here.
Keep it real.
Published by nickycakes //
Posted on November 18th, 2008 in Funny, Retards
For those who have been following along with Nickycakes.com for the past year or so if its existence, you’re well familiar with the frequent posts about people, companies, services, etc, who are complete jokes. If you need a refresher course, feel free to read these awesome writeups on Ubercamp, Affspy, Izea Ranks, and Make Money Online Blogs.
Some argue that these kinds of posts only serve to bring more attention to the idiots out there, but Nickycakes feels like he would be doing the industry a huge disservice by not exposing complete douchebags for who they really are.
So who is Ryan Eagle? Honestly, this is one person who doesn’t really need much “exposing” for people to realize he’s a douchebag. The only problem is that he’s pretty much a complete nobody, so not many people have had the opportunity to get lots of laughs at this guy’s expense yet. Thats where the Cakes comes in. Rather than doing a long write-up about why this guy is a retard, Nickycakes is just going to give you a short story and then just present you with a bunch of self-explanitory screenshots and short narration that should paint a decent picture for you.
The story: Ryan Eagle jumped on the weight loss product bandwagon a little late and copied other peoples landing pages to make his own (pretty common these days, and not really the point) and ended up being lucky enough to have his site featured on TMZ for using kim kardashian’s image and name to promote his products. When people made fun of him on wickedfire forums, and exposed him for being a douche, rather than laugh it off like pretty much any normal person would do when made fun of by people on an internet forum, he decided to cry himself to sleep and take things to the next level. At ad:tech ny, the dude [allegedly] walked up to maks67 from wickedfire with his internet marketing gangsta’ swagger, which can also be described as swaying back and forth as much as possible to pretend like you’re swinging a giant non-existant chain around your neck which actually just makes people notice how unnaturally large your head is compared to your bird chest body. Apparently he was upset that maks had poked fun of him on the forums, and, backed up by 2 of his friends, [allegedly] proceeded to talk some sort of trash to him. Maks laughed in the dudes face and walked away, which is to be expected from any level-headed person when presented with such douchebaggery.
After hearing about this later on that evening, Cakes had no choice but to make fun of the kid on wickedfire as well. He was then contacted by Ryan Eagle himself, who asked things along the lines of “why you hatin’, yo” and, “i make a lot of money, just ask AO JON, he’s rich too” (keep in mind aojon…aka jon fisher…owner of wickedfire.. is one of nickycakes’ great personal friends and barely even has any idea who this kid is). After explaining to Mr. Eagle that his best bet was to stop taking the internet so seriously, Cakes was then contacted by one of Ryan’s e-thug friends who also had questions about why Nickycakes was “hatin’” since “you don’t even know me, yo”. They had many inquiries about how much Cakes makes per day, etc…which pretty much anyone with half a brain knows isn’t really disclosed too often, because frankly, it doesn’t matter to anyone but Cakes.
Ok, story pretty much over… now time for Nickycakes to let Ryan Eagle own himself:
This is pretty telling, here’s a pic on the front page of his “blog” where he had someone make a picture of him standing in front of a sparkling car and a giant pile of whats supposed to be money but looks more like green paperback novels, holding a stack of papers, wearing a shiny watch, a…pointer ring… and sporting bull cut more retarded looking than jim carrey in dumb and dumber…
Really,…Hopefully you didn’t pay too much for that, kid.
Here’s one from a blog post where he’s bragging about his awesome new ring and his bling bling watch. Listen…if you’re going to buy a watch with diamonds on it, save up your money and get something nice, not a $500 pile of crap from a girls watch company. Have some self respect man.
Here’s a screenshot from his myspace:
Oh…and…25543 friends? Hopefully you paid someone to add all those people…..
Here’s his pic from his hi5 profile:
And just some random other pictures that are good for a few laughs:
All sortsa stuff wrong with that suit, good lord.
Honestly, Nickycakes couldn’t even make this stuff up if he tried.
Keep it real.
Published by nickycakes //
Posted on November 18th, 2008 in General
After roughly 4 solid weeks of vacation to various spots, Nickycakes is back home and back to work. This means more posting, hopefully.
Keep it real.
Published by nickycakes //
Posted on November 2nd, 2008 in General
As you probably know, Nickycakes will be in NY for ad:tech starting today (sunday) and for most of the week. If you want to know where he’s headed, and want to hang out or whatever, the best way is to subscribe to Nickycakes’ twitter. Using twitter you can see where the cakes is headed, and send private messages if you want to find out whats going on or where da party at. If you want you can even have it send you mobile updates whenever the cakes posts a new status on twitter which will make you a++ cakes stalker approved.
Also, Nickycakes promises to do his best to not send 100 or so people to a gay bar like he did one night at Affiliate Summit East. As much as Jon Waraas was thrilled, most of the others weren’t so happy.
Please leave some comments on this post if you have good spots to hang out or if something crazy goes down in ny that everyone needs to know about.
Keep it real.
Published by nickycakes //
